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SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE

Perhaps it is possible, plausible or probable that the writer was just trying to find a few positive things about Chrysler’s new Sebring…. but nevertheless, it does irk me to no end.

He was nigh unto closing the piece of otherwise informing automotive journalism when he made mention that the Sebring has a cooling/heating cupholder. It pleased him no end that his Starbucks was kept at 134 degrees, fahrenheit, that is.

C’mon already. I suppose it sounds unbalanced for me to suggest that I do not want to be informed about all generalities. I think a heated or cooled cupholder is great. The issue I have is this: will anybody, in the mid-size marketplace or any other sector, ever buy a vehicle because of the heated/cooled cupholder? I am skeptical.

In fact, I wonder if anybody, when between a rock (Malibu) and a hard place (Sebring), finds that a heated Starbucks will….finally… push … the ….decision…the Sebring’s way. Of course I want a well-equipped car, but when carmakers try and push a car at me that looks suitable for the ugly awards of 1997 just because it has a hard drive and a cool cupholder? No, not so much for me.

Sell me a car because it’s a good car. You won’t need to impress me with amazing cupholders, new technology for folding down the rear seat, or better yet: convincing me it looks like one of your cool cars. I can figure that one out myself, if indeed it’s true. Which it’s not.

Did anybody buy the Chrysler 300 because of heated cupholders? Skeptical, I am again. Despite attempts to sell the car based on Boston Acoustics, did anybody justify their purchase of a 300C with that line of reasoning? No, the 300 looks like something Al Capone would have driven; it looks like a car where 22-inch wheels belong; and for a big car it’s fun to drive.

Al Capone would not have driven a Sebring. The first person that puts 22-inch wheels on a Sebring will take them off in disgust…immediately. And you’d have more fun tuning your MyGig than driving this car.